Let's be bad and have fun!

Parents' Evenings...sigh. As if I don't feel guilty enough - I now have to stand over my children with a bible in one hand and a whip in the other threatening hell and damnation if study is not seen to be done. I had to sign a contract promising the school to turn my teenage twins into Stepford children so that the teachers' lives could become more pleasant at work. All the parents had to, it wasn't just me, we had no choice. No-one was going to openly defy the teacher, as we all sat at individual desks, sweating. Some swatty parents had brought their own paper and pen - taking down important points and dates, chewing the end of the pen and nodding knowingly as Sir said something about holidays not being holidays but instead; 'opportunities for study'... Great... I got the distinct impression that spontaneous and carefree family days out were gone. Is this really how it is when your kids are teenagers? My shoulders and head drooped under the weight of how to happily balance all of our lives when Sir produced the contract for us to sign... I perked up... unlike the good parents - I didn't have a pen, although I had poked at my finger with a paper clip so I could scrawl down the Christmas holiday dates in blood on the back of an old till receipt. No pen = can't sign = get out of burdening pressure = hurray, let's all go out and be silly. Then Sir produced, from the ether, a bag of spare pens for the bad parents who obviously don't take these things seriously enough. Damn... Have pen = have to sign = have to be a strict and serious parent = conflict = stress = buy more chocolate and meditation tapes to avoid hiding in box for rest of life.
Well, I told the kids I had to sign a contract and that if they break it - I'll go to prison... I wagged my sceptic finger at them (from the paper clip) which seemed to give me more credibility. They're studying quietly now, but they're not stupid - they'll work out I'm lying, then I'll just have to resort to plan B...which involves a pan pipes cd, a stash of Curly Wurlys and a large box.